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Day 24:God Breathed

Well, yesterday was a prime example of what happens when you open a book someone wrote for profit instead of God's word for advice.  I was disgusted, irritated and now down right pity the authors of the books I attempted to read.  The very first chapter of one wanted to define love and the other wanted to tell me all about how she gave up on her marriage as soon as it started.  Seriously? 


Head: God stepped in and showed me that I needed to work on the direction my marriage was going.  He didn't like it.  Neither did I. I started writing these challenges for myself and asked that you join me.  I have a prayer list longer than my arm right now because of the e-mails I received and I am praying.  What I want you all to realize is what I have realized tonight, that the answer to our marriage woes, is not in a book by a famous minister or a revered christian author or my blog posts; but that our answers are in a place that most of us already own, our Bible.  It's God's Word...inspired by Him.  What other book or reference do we need.  Now, I admit, I would like to have a steady supply of scriptures right at my finger tips to pull from for my posts.; but you know what?  I would if I'd spend more time studying God's word and less time looking for a quick reference.  Same goes for you sister.

Heart: Around the first week of September, just after labor day; my husband lost his job.  The job he'd had for 6 years.  I am probably the only woman whose husband has lost his job in this economy and been happy about it.  Number one, I knew the job was slowly killing him and number two our marriage had been suffering.  A week before he was given the "pink slip", we'd had the biggest fight of our marriage.  One that made me call it quits.  I was done.  My husband was completely miserable and he was making all of us miserable.  I knew the instant that I saw him when he walked through the door and started to hand me his release papers that it was God.  Sure, circumstances may have led up to that day but if it had not been for God stepping in I am not sure I would have had the strength to keep trying.  Because I knew that this was a God thing, I know that He is in control of our lives and is working on something big.  In the mean time, my husband and I have had more time to study God's Holy Word and to spend more time with our Father.  We are leaning on Him and seeking out His Will for us.   Sometimes, when things get so bad that we feel we can not go any further, God steps in and takes over.  He's got this!  I love Him and trust Him with all of my being.

Hands:  This is a simple challenge that will take time.  Pray with me that God opens his Word for you and reveals the scripture He wanted you to read today for the sake of your marriage.  Open your Bible and read, listen to God.  Listen more and talk to Him less.

Day 2: I Don't Want To Be A Sidekick!


It never surprises me when you think you have something all figured out (or in my case Day 2 typed and ready to launch) and God puts a new spin on things.  This morning my husband and I got the biggest laugh when we heard our littlest boy from down the hall yell "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SIDEKICK!"  Obviously, there is an argument between two brothers and the youngest does not want to be "Robin".  In reality, either one of my boys could be the super hero, not one is more special than the other and both hold a super power that makes them look particularly adorable during a time of need.  At the very moment we heard the dynamic exclamation, I thought "Thank you, God."

It is always so hard to describe the role of a wife.  But you have to think, no one wants to be considered the "side kick" when they know they have equal powers.  Right? Right!  My "super powers" as a wife and mother are different than my husbands "super powers".  However, we work as a team.  In a way, I am his sidekick.  Not because I am less of a person but because he needs me to be and I don't mind.  Truly, I don't mind because I know that without my super powers, he would just be less of a man and no man wants to be less of a man.  I'm always supposed to use my powers to lift him up and make him better than he ever thought he could be.

One of my super powers is kindness.


Head: Just think about how many times have you heard  "Love is Patient, Love is Kind..."?  Yesterday, Day 1, was a day of patience.  It was a day of expressing love through patience.  If you practiced that very challenge, then hopefully kind words were used a little more and you became more conscious of times when you need to be patient. Patience and Kindness are two sides of a coin.  Patience is used to withhold negativity while Kindness is used to bring a blessing.  It is used to make someone feel better.  It is not always innate and does not always come naturally.
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:32
 
  • Who has recently shown you kindness in words or actions?  How did you respond?
  • Has there ever been a time when your kindness was misinterpreted?  How did that make you feel?
  • What kindness is God prompting you to show toward your husband today?
A kindhearted woman gains respect... Proverbs 11:16
I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the burden from their neck and bent down to feed them.  Hosea 11:4
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self0control.  Galatians 5:22
 Heart: Why?  Because God created you to be your husbands partner.  I always think of the Blake Shelton song, God Gave Me You and I get all emotional.  God gave us our husbands, as much as we'd like to think that we chose them, they are a gift from God.  God gives perfect gifts, in the way that the gifts are perfect for us.  We are also gifts to them just as Eve was God's gift to Adam.  I once heard someone say, "If God created the perfect wife for your husband, would you be her?"  My answer is yes and so should yours be, God does not make mistakes.  We make mistakes in how we handle situations, how we love, and how we think.  God does not change his mind about his gifts.  Being your husbands wife, helper and lover is your divine calling.



When I read Proverbs 18:22 "Whosoever finds a wife, finds a good thing, and obtains favor with the Lord", I read it in awe.  Looking at the words and realize that I am a GOOD THING and my husband obtained God's FAVOR because of me.  Why wouldn't I lift him him, praise him, show patience and speak kind words.  You are a GOOD THING and have caused your husband to find FAVOR with the Lord, so show a little kindness.

Heart: With this in mind you need to look at your husband and find something, anything positive to say to him.  Reach into your heart and find those kind words and gestures that you can do today in addition to being patient. Not only will you be patient and withhold something negative, you will say something kind, something positive and uplifting. You will do this for the next 38 days and for the rest of your life.  We all have our bad days, we are human and flesh.  However, we need to start and continue to be mindful of our super power of kindness.

Here are some additional scriptures on kindness.
Thanks again for meeting me in my laundry room, I hope you'll come back tomorrow for Day 3 and a new challenge. 

Day 1: Patience IS Love.


Let's start off with some so called rules to follow.  If you are a rule breaker by nature, just think of them as guidelines, okay.
  1. Keep your "challenge" on the down low with your husband.  In otherwords, he must not find out and I'll explain why later.
  2. I don't want you to think your marriage has to be on the rocks in order to make it better.  So, cast that aside.  No marriage is perfect, there's always more room for God.
  3. Don't consider me an expert, remember you are doing this WITH me.  Our Father is the expert and I'm nervous as all get out.
  4. Understand that you may think about your marriage differently and will be changing your own behavior and attitudes, not your husband.
  5. As you do each days challenge, take into account how difficult it might be for you and this will give you an idea as to where and how much you may be contributing to the slippery slope within your marriage.
That's it for the rules, now let's get started on the first challenge.

courtesy of zazzle.com
Don't you love that shirt.  I think I'm going to order my husband a weeks worth so I'll be reminded ALL the time that God isn't finished with him yet and neither should I be. 

 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient,
bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Head: I've been trying to come up with a clever story on patience in my marriage as an example and I have had the hardest time.  I have thought and thought and nothing spectacular comes to mind.  So what does that say?  I'd like to think it means I'm so patient that I even put trying times out of mind but I know that's not the case.  That could only mean, that I just do not have enough stories about being patient because I just am not like Job.  

 Instead, I have been reminded from our Father above that I should be thinking of a time when my husband was patient with me...like the times when he's sitting in the car on Sunday morning, kids buckled in with their pop tarts, car in drive and aimed for the road; while I am still trying to decide which shoes to wear, changing my outfit completely or trying to get my make-up on.  Sometimes I do him a HUGE favor and bring my make-up with me and take advantage of the natural lighting...for my benefit you know.  I have to say, I'm pretty lucky to have such a patient husband.  He's a no fuss kind of guy, where I am a fussy girl.  

I do appreciate my husbands patience.  It is one of his finest qualities I think.  I have to say, his patience runs most thin with me when his underwear drawer is empty.  Oops! It's not that he expects me to wash his undies, it's just I won't let him near the laundry and so he has faith in me that I'm taking care of business, ya know.

Not too long ago and many, many months after I started this study on marriage the first time around, I heard a sermon on television about patience and the one thing that struck me as something new was this...Love IS patient!  No matter how many times I had heard the scripture of 1 Corinthians 13:4.   Now, every time I read the word "patient" in God's Word, I should insert the word "love" or "lovingly" or something to that effect in order to have a better understanding of what it means to be patient.  I give praise to our Lord everyday for the patience He has with me and for His love.  For God, they are one in the same and for us they should be also.

Here is an example of a scripture using the word "patient".

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.  Romans 12:12

Heart: Insert the word "love" for "patient" and it makes the scripture a little harder to swallow instead of sounding like an ideal way to live.  When something is harder to swallow, we put more effort into getting it down.  What in the world does it mean to "love" our tribulations (our hard times)?  It is simple, your tribulations are what God is going to use as a testimony to others.  It might be hard to see it at the time but you will find that when you share your testimony with others you go grow to love your tribulation.

I'm also reminded of Job.  His story really is amazing.  His blessings were double what he lost simply because he was full of patience during his trial.  Sure he asked God "why" over and over but if you read the story of Job, you will find that God did not answer.  God gave Job the prize for his suffering and endurance in loving God through his trials and tribulations.  Job in the end HAD to love his trials, for God was so good when they ended.  Daily, I will put the Word of God in my heart so that my know Him better, trust Him more and love Him for the Father that he is.  My love is not perfect, but His is.  His patience is perfect.  Praise Him for being patient with me!!!
"You get impatient with your own life, trying to master a habit or control a sin - and in your frustration begin to wonder where the power of God is. Be patient. God is using today's difficulties to strengthen you for tomorrow. He is equipping you. The God who makes things grow will help you bear fruit."  Max Lucado
I dwell on the fact that God lives with me and the power He gives me.  With His strength, I will be patient.  I will be patient with myself as I learn to be patient with my husband.  I will show love.    

Hands: Since God is so patient with each of us, we should strive to exhibit the same patience as well.  Today, pray for your marriage and make it your challenge to show patience with your husband as well as yourself.  Some of us (like myself) find it easy to throw around words of frustration that can be hurtful because for so long that has been a weapon of choice.  Today, I'd be willing to bet your patience will be tested.  Like the saying goes, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  That's exactly what you will do, for today and the next 39 days.  Show patience and keep negative remarks and harsh words silent.   Remember, as you exhibit patience with your husband you should insert "love" as you remind yourself to be patient.    Love is patient, love is kind.  1 Corinthians 13:4

If you need more scripture on patience click here.
Here's the video I promised from James MacDonald on marriage.  click here

Now, study on patience and talk to God about situations in your life in which you need His strength to help you endure with patience.

I love you my sisters.  Join me again tomorrow in my "laundry room".

Day 11: A Day of Reflection

Thanks for Meeting Me in The Laundry Room.  If you don't yet know about this challenge, I encourage you to step back to this page and then move forward.  My laundry room is my spiritual closet, where I get down to the heart of matters with God and where I have my best conversations with Him.   If you would like to add a quick link to your blog, the button to "Meet Me In The Laundry Room" is to the right of this post.  If you would like to receive a daily e-mail linking to the current days newest post, I will add you to my e-mail list if you will simply request to be added.


Today's Challenge:  Take a sheet or paper and fold it in half long ways.  On the left side write down at the top, a challenge you did that you felt was important.  To the right of that, write a reflection about why.  Below your important challenge near the bottom of the page, write a day that did not go well as as you expected and to the left of that, write a reflection.   If you think you may have a good deal to say about those days, use two sheets of paper, one for each reflection.  Tuck these away when you are finished.

Philippians 4: 12 - 13 I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” NIV

Day 7: Love Is Not Selfish

Thanks for Meeting Me in The Laundry Room.  If you don't yet know about this challenge, I encourage you to step back to this blog entry and then move forward.  My laundry room is my spiritual closet, where I get down to the heart of matters with God and where I have my best conversations with Him.   If you would like to add a quick link to your blog, the button to "Meet Me In The Laundry Room" is to the right of this post.  If you would like to receive a daily e-mail linking to the current days newest post, I will add you to my e-mail list if you will simply request to be added.

Selfish?  Whose selfish?  Not me!  Seriously, I never think of myself as selfish do you?  I think of myself as selfless and giving and compassionate, when it comes to other people besides my husband.  So, let's put aside the feelings of "I do it all!"  This is a hard topic for me when it comes to my marriage because I always feel like I am the giving one but am I really?   If there is a flip side to love, it is being selfish.  Have you ever heard the saying "If you point one finger, you have 3 more pointing back."?  It's true, if you can find one reason in your marriage to a call your husband selfish, I bet he can find 3 more reasons to call you selfish.
We are born selfish, it is in our very nature to want what we want, when we want it.  Yes, we can be patient and wait but ultimately if we don't get what we want, we can start to be bitter about it.  When are expectations are not met, we are unhappy about it.  Has there ever been a time when you have gone out of your way to do something nice for your husband and expect something in return?  If so, it was for selfish reasons that the "doing" took place. 

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves”(Philippians 2:3).

 Challenge: Today make, do or buy something for your husband that is free of strings attached.  Something that is for him only, that says I was thinking of you today.

When you are thinking about your husband today, think about these things; do you want what's best for him?  Do you want him to feel loved by you?  Do you have his best interest at heart? 

What is it that you can sacrifice for your husband? 


Day 6: Love Believes in Hope

Thanks for Meeting Me in The Laundry Room.  If you don't yet know about this challenge, I encourage you to step back to this blog entry and then move forward.  My laundry room is my spiritual closet, where I get down to the heart of matters with God and where I have my best conversations with Him.   If you would like to add a quick link to your blog, the button to "Meet Me In The Laundry Room" is to the right of this post.  If you would like to receive a daily e-mail linking to the current days newest post, I will add you to my e-mail list if you will simply request to be added.  Or enter your e-mail address to the right of this post using feedburner.

During my Sunday School class this week, one of the teachers of our ladies class taught about anointing and how we can feel dry and empty sometimes.  Don't think for a second that I didn't chase her down in the parking lot after church asking her if she had my e-mail address, a copier or some way to get her notes.  When I say that God is providing our lessons and challenges, I'm not even kidding you.  This is a good one and I want you to read into every detail and study it because I think it goes much deeper than I can express on a blog post.


She graciously gave me her hand written notes and I swore to protect them with my life but explained to her exactly my intention.  She was more than happy to share. 
Sometimes we feel dry (in our marriage or relationship with Christ), we feel like God is nowhere around. Sometimes we feel like we are not anointed at all.  One thing we think about when we think about anointing is oil.  For any number of reasons or any amount of time a marriage can go through a dry spell.  When this happens, what you should study on is anointing and how the oils of anointment are processed and the different ways oil is used.  Olive oil was a staple of the diet in Biblical times.  Deuteronomy 8:8 talks about God delivering the children of Israel into a land of milk, honey, wheat, and olive oil (among other things).   God's people went through a very rough dry spell in their desert of testing.  God delivered them.  Olive oil was also used as medicine in Luke 10:34 by the Samaritan.  Olive oil was used as lamp fuel (for light) and is the process of purification is described in Lev. 24: 1-2.  Finally, olive oil was used for anointing in religious offerings and rituals. 

Here is the part of her lesson that I was glued to.  I am a very visual person so I sat, picturing and then drawing her illustration of words in my notebook.  I didn't want to forget...
How do we get to the oil or anointing to soothe our dry spell?   The olive tree tells us how.  First, the tree itself must be rooted in the right soil, just as we must be rooted in the Word of God and the tree will grow, mature and blossom producing fruit.  In biblical times, as well as today, the very best fruit is at the top, it is not the fruit that has already dropped.  It is the fruit that must be shaken from the tree.  When the tree is shaken, the olives fall from the tree and must be caught gently before hitting the ground, gathered together and washed.  Then the fruit must be pressed to release the oil, it must be broken so that the pure oil will flow.  The pulp is collected and used again to extract the most precious oil.  It is a time consuming process that requires tremendous pressure.

Just the imagery she used of a tree being shaken made me hold my breath.  Aren't we all shaken?  Aren't we sitting here reading this and thinking of all the ways our marriage has been shaken?  To have even gotten to the point of being shaken, means that your marriage is grounded, it is rooted in something good, has matured and has produced fruit, otherwise, you would not be here at this very moment reading this in an effort to do something good for your marriage.  Has your marriage felt dry?  That's what the oil is for?  How are we going to get that oil?

The oil as described started with the shaking of the tree, some stress has to be applied to force that tree to let go of the fruits it is holding on to in order to move forward in extracting the oil.  What are you holding on too?  Are you bitter?  Are you angry?  Is your marriage dry? is there something or someone weaseling it's way into your marriage to separate you from your husband physically or emotionally?  What is it that made you feel like you needed to "Spice up your marriage"?  Are you ready to let go of the things in your life that you are holding on to so that you can move forward?

Now, remember, when you are shaken and you let go of these things, God is there to catch you when you fall.  He is going to gather up all of the things that have been growing in your life and your marriage and he is going to sort them for you.  He's going to keep the good and throw out the bad and he is going to use the good, healthy, mature, pure and perfect fruits of your marriage.  What God is going to do with those good fruits is wash them, just as Jesus washed us of our sins, God is going to wash your fruits and get them ready.  Once your marriage has been shaken, there will be a calm before the storm, a tranquility before God brings you through the fire.  I don't know what your "fire" is going to be but God is going to put the pressure on so that you will trust Him, lean on Him, call on Him and give your marriage to Him.  After your marriage has been pressed, what will come out of it is the most pure anointing oil to heal your marriage that God could possibly ever give.

I've always said, that I don't like to give the devil credit.  I like to think that God is shaking things up a bit to remind me that He's still there and I still need to be leaning on Him.  The devil can have his way in the lives of someone else but he's not going to mess around in mine.  Jesus walks with me, I hope he's doing the same for you.

This beautiful anointing is coming for your marriage but you have to be ready for the shaking and the pressing.

2 Timothy 1:12
For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.

Challenge:  Take a sheet of paper and fold it in half lengthwise creating 2 columns.  One column, write everything positive you can think of about your spouse and on the second column, write everything negative about your spouse.  Put this list away in a safe, secret place.  Before doing so, pick one positive thing and thank your spouse today for that very thing.

Please be sure to read your Bible on your own today, find your quite time with God and take notes when he speaks to you.  Be sure also to share in the comments below your experiences good or bad so that we may all learn from each other.  I hope that you will also share with us what the imagery of the Olive Tree meant to you and don't forget that the Olive Branch was a sign of HOPE!
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