I know I'm not the only mom who has started a lecture that just escalates into something overly dramatic like..."Can't you just shut up, shut up, shut up, when you are told to?" Agh, the worst side of me comes out when my children are found not be the most upright and upstanding to say the least. Instead, they are found to be disrespectful or belligerent, or defiant. Such words were never used to describe my children...until one day when they were. It was like a hot slap across my face to hear someone describe one of my babies as such.
I look at my boys and realize that although I may from time to time be given strings of disappointments; I am totally wrapped up in my reality that they are the good boys I imagine them to be. That being said, I not only imagine my children being the perfect little angels I'd like them to be, but I'd also like to see them grow into men that are valued citizens, fathers, and intellectuals who contribute to society. I see my boys growing into men that can read and understand a good book, write words of wisdom to their children, share their thoughts and dreams with their loved ones. I see them as being responsible and hardworking men, loving behind closed doors and tender in moments of need.
So, while one of my children went to bed tonight banished for a week from playing at the house of any friend and without the luxury of a TV. I pray that he finds joy in the simple things around him like spending time next to me as I clean or playing with his little brothers. I pray he finds something good to read, a desire to explore or a little bit of sweat running down his face from rigorous bike riding. I pray that being a mom continue to remind me that we are are human, make mistakes and love.
There is nothing I want more than to experience motherhood they way God intended for me too. I will experience it deeply, within ever depth and corner of my soul. Motherhood will always bring me blood, sweat and tears as long as I'm living. It will bring me joy, love and a feeling of fullness all of my days and I will drink it in like healing waters. In the end, I have simply been blessed with the moments I have been given in order to bring my children into this world, for the trials we share and for the sheer heart swelling love that is between us.