Day 38: Love and Money Don't Mix

Monday, November 07, 2011 Aimee Larsen 0 Comments

Head: It is NO secret that one of the most discussed issues that husbands and wives fight about is money.  Lack of money causes so much stress in a marriage when we don't know how to respect the "lack of".  Many times the issue of our finances involve secrecy.  There are only a few things in a marriage that should remain secret between a husband and wife...surprise birthday parties, embarrassing nicknames in elementary school and Christmas gifts.  The last thing that should be a secret is money.  Some couples believe it works well for them to have a "yours, mine and ours" approach to finances but what does God have to say...
"This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."  Genesis 2:24
We can not begin to fathom where God was going when He said husband and wives become one.  You shouldn't feel like you have to protect yourself and your belongings.  You should be working to protect your spouse both physically and emotionally.  As wives we should give up ownership in our marriage and replace it with stewardship.  We can no longer be obsessed with stuff because it will be gone tomorrow.  

"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together." Robert C. Dodds.
One of the best pieces of advice that my dad gave my husband and I was to have a joint account, to put our money together.  We've tried together and apart and ultimately, together has worked out best.  It doesn't hurt for us to have a savings account for just in case, as a matter of fact, I highly recommend it.  Several years ago I handed my husband the checkbook and bills and said, "handle it".  I did so because I wasn't being respectful with our money.  I was not using his hard earned money to pay bills or get us out of debt.  If I saw any room to fudge or wiggle, I took it.  While he was paying bills, we paid off.  I made a little money on the side that we used for extras that we needed and guess what...extra's equaled gas and groceries.  Husband paid the bills first and if there was no money for groceries, so be it.  God proved all the while. 

Heart: We made our financial mistakes early in our marriage and have been paying the consequences and continue to but we see the light.  Recently, God finally put my heart in the right place to offer to my husband to relieve him of his bill paying, checkbook balancing duties and I pray that I do right by our money.  My husband works to hard to provide for his family and I have to respect the money that he brings home.  If I were going to recommend you read any financial advice it would be that of Dave Ramsey.  I'm no expert but he has guided many marriages to making important financial decisions from a Biblical basis.  Pray for God's guidance on this issue, ask Him for his advice on the issue.

Hands:  If financial troubles plague your marriage and you have secrets or even separate accounts, I encourage you to consider the advice above.  If you do not have troubles currently, I still encourage you to consider the advice.  Ultimately, resolve to respect the money earned and prepare yourselves.

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Day 37: Where Children Are Involved

Sunday, November 06, 2011 Aimee Larsen 3 Comments

"The most important thing a mother will do for her children is to create an atmosphere of peace and joy by deeply loving their Daddy and being satisfied with life."  Debbi Pearl
Head:  If you don't believe this quote, maybe you will by the end of this post.  Mrs. Pearl goes on to talk about an study she and her husband did.  Out of 75 children interviewed only 3 children said their home was "happy".  Out of the children who did not think they had a happy home, their number one wish was simple...they wished Mom and Dad would learn to love each other.  This is a post that involves marriages with children. 


Those 75 children and their answers lead the Pearl's to the conclusion that in order to love your children we  as wives should "Love their daddy.  Honor their daddy.  Obey their daddy. Forgive their daddy."  Of course the same goes for husbands concerning us but this study isn't for our husbands, it's for us wives.

Mrs. Pearl also gives examples of letters from women who live in "tense" home situations and how they are looking to God to break a cycle.  Tense does not equal danger, so don't mistake the two please.    If you and your children are in danger, seek help immediately.  If you call your medical insurance company and doctors office for advice one of the first things you will hear is..."If this is an emergency, hang up and dial 911".  The same goes for your marriage. 

Children do not make marriages better.  They do not fix problems and the do not change husbands.  Only Jesus can change husbands that need to be changed.   Did you catch that...only Jesus, not even you.  Children are a factor in marriages, they even bring stress.  No woman ever wants her husband to feel negatively towards their children but it happens.  Some women do keep having children in hopes that it will change their husband or fix their marriage but that's just not going to happen.  I think I've seen it happen on TV a few times but not ever in real life.
"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it"  (Proverbs 22:6)
Heart: One day, all of us mom's are going to stand before God and give an account on how we have trained up our children.  Being a mother is an honor and it is a job, it's not a grandmothers job, a teachers job, or a baby sitters job to train our children.  It is a privilege to be a mother and to honor God in the way we raise them.  Don't let the word "training" confuse you.  It does not mean discipline as some texts say, its true Hebrew meaning is to "dedicate".  In order to dedicate your children, you must dedicate yourself, your time and your child to what God desires.  It is not a suggestion, it is a command of God that we train them and training them is a full time job.  It also means that you are dedicating your time to your child to show them the good things in life that God has to offer and how to live a life to honor God.

Dad's and husbands can not take the place of a momma but they offer security.  Your husband is depending on you to do the rest.  A husband that works hard everyday to provide wants his wife to respect him, even husbands that don't work want respect.   Although husbands may not always know how to show us their love like we would want them to, take notice and give praise for the husband that does work hard to provide security for his family and you can handle the rest. 

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in the truth." III John 1:4
Now, all this being said I will say that these are things I practice but I often fall short of my own responsibilities.   However,  this is day 37 of my challenges and I have to say that respecting how hard my husband works has made a difference in our marriage and God has given me a calmness at times when I normally would lose all patience with my children.  These are not words that I do not practice myself and I have to remind myself to seek God daily.  God reveals his works daily and the closer we walk with Him, the more often we see his works, especially in our marriage.  

Today's Challenge:  When you talk about your husband or your children's father  in front of you children do so with encouragement and respect.

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Easy Meds or Vitamin Reminder

Sunday, November 06, 2011 Aimee Larsen 0 Comments


This is a simple way to help your husband, child, yourself to remember to take daily meds or vitamins.  When they are hid away in a medicine cabinet they are often forgotten.  Put these on the fridge or on the door as you are leaving and they will never be forgotten again.


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Jar Full of Stars

Saturday, November 05, 2011 Aimee Larsen 2 Comments

You know how you see an idea and you just have to make it happen, not matter how long it takes?  Or in my case, how bad it makes your fingers hurt?


I sate for hours today folding stars for a reward jar in my classroom.  There are several tutorials/ideas that I pinned on pinterest.   This is the tutorial that was my favorite.  I'm in love even thought my fingers really are sore.


The idea with these is the same as when I used marbles.  For every good deed I see the children get a star, when the jar is full...reward!  I could have done bigger stars or a smaller jar I suppose but I really wanted a ton of them so that the kids could earn a reward based on MANY good deeds done.

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Days of the Week Outfit Tags

Saturday, November 05, 2011 Aimee Larsen 0 Comments


This weekend I am spending the better part of my days getting ready to go back to work full time.  That means my home needs to be able to function without me being here.  My darling husband is going to be taking the kids to school and so, those 4 boys will need help getting each other ready for school.  I've always wanted to make tags for their clothes for the week so that they don't have to guess as to what to wear.  This will prove especially helpful for the two little boys who "almost" wear the same size but don't.  I made these tonight and have put them on a PDF download for you as well.    Scroll down for the download links.


Download the Boy Tags Here.  Oh, and I made  Girl Tags too..


Print them on card stock, cut them out, punch the holes and tie them with a string.

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Day 36: Love Teaches, Love Learns

Saturday, November 05, 2011 Aimee Larsen 0 Comments

4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, Titus 2:4

Head: A woman that has been married 40 years can minister to someone that has only been married 6 months and a woman that has been married 9 years can minister to someone that has been married 7 years.  It's our duty as women to teach each other what we have learned from God and our experiences should be shared.  These days, it's becoming increasingly difficult to find role models of marriage as God intends.  A woman, who has been only with her husband and has spent many years, not giving up and finding happiness for them both along their journey through life is a woman that God describes as a jewel to her husband, women that are worth more than rubies (Proverbs 31).  These are the godly women we should be looking too in times of need in our marriage. 

Heart: A few years ago I was listening to a woman talk about her marriage, how see felt stuck, wanted out, didn't know where to turn or what to do.  So, she called her mom up on the phone for advice.  The only problem was her mom had recently blindsided her second husband with divorce and was living with her new boyfriend.  My first thought was; there has to be someone better to give advice even if it is your mom.  Later, I heard the statistic that 1:2 marriages are ending in divorce today.  40 years ago that statistic was 1:50.  So, I had to consider, how does the experience of our "family" and our "friends" affect our marriage?  Is it a bitter cycle?  Do we not have free will and control over our own decisions?  The Bible instructs us women to teach the younger generations how to love their husbands.  Are the older generations really failing us?
Today I also heard an amazing lady on the radio named Barbara Wilson.  Her message and ministry were amazing to hear.  She has written several books about  how ones sexual past affects our marriages and how God can release women  from those bonds in order to move forward in their marriages.  I encourage anyone who has a sexual past outside of their current marriage to listen to her message and read her books.  She is a woman who is ministering to other women and a shining example of some one who is doing what God wants in Titus 2:4.  Using the Bible, prayer and her own life; she shows us how we can be free from our past mistakes or experiences in order to help our marriages move forward. 

God wants us to seek advice from others, we just need to be selective about who we take advice from.  Mostly importantly, we should be taking advice from God and His Word.  His Word is the final say

Hands:  Make a list of ladies you know who you can seek counsel with on marriage in times of need.  List the reasons you think those women are pillars to look up to.  When the time comes you will have them to talk to.

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Day 35: Personal Growth Grows Love

Friday, November 04, 2011 Aimee Larsen 1 Comments

Head: Yesterday, I talked about making "time" or "rearranging" time but today I want to talk about making "room to grow".  Have you ever heard or thought about what one of the number one reason's a relationship is destroyed?  Recently, I read that it was "control".  That when one person controls another, it can destroy their relationship.  Now, I'm not sure if that's the number 1.  But I can certainly see why and have seen examples in relationships where control constantly hurt another. 

In my own marriage there have been more times than I want to count and am ashamed of where I have tried to "control" my husband.  Controlling my husband is not the "help meet" that God intended.  I might have justified the control by saying I thought something was best for him.  Others might control their spouse because they fear change or because they don't want them to get an upper hand in the relationship.  However, what does the Bible say about love... 
 "Love is patient, love is kind and love is not jealous". 1 Corinthians 13:4
The other day, I posted a "saying" on my facebook page referencing that opposites attract and that those opposites can make our relationships stronger.  I received one comment about how that was "so true" and another comment about how "yeah but, my husband doesn't even consider me."  The message I was hoping that would brighten someones day is that, no matter our differences, God puts us together so that our differences, strengthen each other.  My husbands short falls, are my strengths.  My short falls, are his strengths.  When we recognize that this is how it is suppose to work, we grow.  We don't tear each other down for what we may think is a weakness, we build each other up with our strengths.

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9
Heart: As we consider growing out of control and into accepting differences, we also need to consider how the works God has placed in nature can help us grow.  This weekend end I was trimming back the thorny, over grown rose bushes in my back yard and found several empty birds nests.  My mom always used to say, "Even birds build their homes, before they lay their eggs."  This was my mom's way of saying "marriage, then sex".  But what I found was interesting is that the birds lived among the thorns.  They built their nests together in a place that would protect them and yeah, sure the thorns were a nuisance to other animals, they were a safe haven for them.  They also got to enjoy the bushy green leaves dotted with many pink roses, even for a short time.  I also then thought, you know Jesus wore the crown of thorns and with Jesus our marriage, home and children are safe.  
Hands:  Go back to the list you made earlier in your challenges of your spouses weaknesses or make one now.  Now, consider how your strengths that make his weaknesses stronger.  Make a note of them and again, thank your husband for one of his strong suits. 

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Day 34: Love Has a Language

Thursday, November 03, 2011 Aimee Larsen 0 Comments

Head: Don't we all wish there were more hours in a day sometimes, that we had more time or could make more time.  I've heard of "making time for" things but we can't really, all of our time is already allotted out everyday in the same increments for everyone.  We can not "make" anymore time than we already have.

Of course what we can do is rearrange our time so that we have more time for the things that need more time.  Today, you are going to consider time for your husband.  The thing about time is that once it has passed by, like water in a river, we can't make it go the other way and we can't take back what is already gone.  The great thing about life is, we often get second chances, we often get redo's.  God is gracious and gives us chance after chance to accept his Son.  But just like everything, even time, one day the chances will be removed from time.  So, we must consider that if our time is going to run out at any moment in our lives, we should make time to tell our spouses how much they are appreciated, cherished, loved and needed.
"The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge; and the war of teh wise seeketh knowledge."  Provers 18:15
Heart: It's time to get to know your spouse through communication.  We've all heard of the book/phrase, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus."  It is simply an example that we communicate differently and our expectations are different.    There is a book out as well called "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman.  I haven't read it but I have read that in his book he says that people tend to show love in 5 predominate ways.  Read them and decide for yourself if you think they are correct.
  1. Acts of service.
  2. Gift giving
  3. Words of encouragement
  4. Quality time.
  5. Physical touch.
Us wives would pick "quality time" most of the time I'm sure.  I can't tell you how many of my girlfriends crave, "date night" with their husbands and are like teenagers when they get it.  I love it too.  A wife that is speaking this language, may think..."My husband does not love me anymore.  All he does is work and never has time for me."  While a husband who might be speaking the "acts of service" language may think to himself..."I would much rather be home with my wife today than working this miserable, life sucking job but if I didn't work my wife would think I didn't love her enough to supply for our needs."
Now, tell me, who's at fault?  Neither!  And God help me if I ever picked sides in anyone's relationship.  What I can suggest, just like with any "foreign language" is that you must learn the language.  Such you could take a crash course but the best way to learn a foreign language is to submerge yourself in the "culture".  You have to take the time to spend with your husband and ask that he do the same.  You both do need "date night" and "alone time" and you also need to use that time wisely.  If you need to work on communication, perhaps, movie night isn't the best date to go on.  Spend time together so that you can communicate openly and free of interferences.  

Hands:  Check your calendar, check your husbands and find a regular time that you both can spend together, just the two of you. 

God is the tool that you need in order to learn each others language.  Be sure to spend time praying for your spouse and that God will help open lines of communication in your marriage.

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Written Conversations With Your Child

Wednesday, November 02, 2011 Aimee Larsen 1 Comments



This morning, I was reminded of something I'd always wanted to do with my children.  Now that my oldest son is in 4th grade, I think it's the perfect time to start writing to him, so that he will write me back.  So many things start happening to children early on in life and I want him to know that I am here for him.  When he's a teenager, this might be cheesy to him, I think he'll appreciate it now.

 

I started the conversation by telling him what the intention of this journal is, words of encouragement and love, and a brief scripture to encourage his spiritual growth.    Below are two images for the front of a journal that you can start with your child.  You can click on them to print or I encourage you to design your own. 

Click to enlarge
Enjoy!

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Day 33: Spiritual Growth

Wednesday, November 02, 2011 Aimee Larsen 0 Comments


Head: If you could make a list of all the things in your marriage that comes between you and your husband, would the list be long?  Short?  Every list will be different and yet still be similar in many ways.  Most couples would agree that financial struggles, children, careers, etc; put a rift between them.  Not many lists would include God.  Why?  Because when we talk about what comes between our husbands and ourselves we only think of all the negative and we do not think of the one thing that can come between you and your husband in a way that makes your relationship stronger.
O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you.  Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.  Isaiah 33:2
What better place for God to be than all up in your marriage, right between you and your husband to simply bring the two of you closer.  It is undeniable that the connection between you and God and God and your spouse is the one connection that can not be broken and is stronger than any force in our universe.  Even our own children can cause stress in our marriage but not God.  God is the one factor that we can surely depend on to make our marriage stronger.  As a matter of fact, God should be of a higher importance in your relationship with your spouse, than your spouse himself.  

God is the glue, sure but He's much more that that, He is a model of how we should be.  We should be forgiving, patient, thoughtful, loving, and kind.  What a role model we have in our Father.  Not only is God a force in your marriage but you can not underestimate the power of prayer.  

Heart: God always has your marriage on his heart and mind.  God wants for you to have the marriage you dream of and He wants you to willingly include Him.  Your hearts desire for your marriage is shared by our Father.  It's important to include God in your marriage through prayer.  He wants you to come to him with your needs and to let him handle them.  If you are failing to communicate your needs to Him, he is going to wait on you.  He loves you and He is there for you and your husband and will be there to protect you and help you prosper even if you aren't aware of His works.  What God wants is for you to include Him in your marriage through a conscious choice.  Coming to Him because you chose to is so much more precious than coming to Him because you were forced to.

Prayer is an open communication between you and God and your husband and God.  The lines are always open.  Prayer is effective because God is the One who wants your marriage to succeed far more than you want it to.  Pray together as a couple and God will lift you up above the daily stressors in your lives so that you have a marriage that is good and is not being brought down by worries of life and our world.  
A husband and wife who have a Bible that is falling apart probably has a marriage that isn't.
I love that quote and for the life of me can not find who said it but it's true.  Now that I have talked about having God and prayer, I want to mention His Word.   The foundation of your marriage is only made stronger when the Word of God is read for the purpose to discover spiritual principles that will strengthen both your relationship with God  and each other.
Hands:  Try to find a time during your day for daily prayer and Bible study with your husband.

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Day 32: Love and Romance

Tuesday, November 01, 2011 Aimee Larsen 4 Comments

Head: As of today's post we are approaching 1 more week of study.  In the last week  alone I have to say that God's works are evident in my home.   I myself feel calmer and at peace.  My husband and I have communicated better and the time spent together has felt so comfortable.  I am closer everyday to the relationship I truly want with my husband.  

Through this study I have learned so much and God has shown me so many things but the one thing that I still am in awe of is how our mighty Father is still in all the little things.  When you see God's works in the little things you will want to give him more, you will want to have Him in all details of your marriage.  The next few days, I want to look more into what God has in store.   These are the topics I want to study on with God to better understand His plan for my marriage...please join me.
  • Love and Romance (Day 32)
  • Spirtual Growth (Day 33)
  • Communication (Day 34)
  • Personal Growth (Day 35)
  • Family and Friends (Day 36)
  • Children (Day 37)
  • Finances and Work (Day 38)
  • For Husbands Only (Day 39)
  • Growing Old Together (Day 40)
Love and Romance:

Billy Graham once said:
If couples would put half the effort into marriage that they put into courtship, they would be surprised how things would brighten up.
Heart: I don't think there is one woman out there who wouldn't agree that if her man put his best forward at all times, their love would be much better off.  The fact is, after marriage, after the honeymoon phase we start to get more comfortable with each other.  We are more relaxed and we start to take for granted the little things that used to make our heart skip a beat.  Some husbands never forget a Valentines Day or birthday while others struggle to remember.   Some husbands stop working out, start eating more, start being bossy or demanding and the list could go on and on.  At some point what happens is, we as wives stand back and take a look at our husbands and shake our head in disappointment.  Why isn't our husband more willing to please us?  Why don't they say "I Love You!" more often?  When did he become such a slob?   The fact remains that when our husbands start to put forth less effort we take it as a sign that they may love us less and there begins the hurt.

I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.  Psalm 31:7

Copyright: Ginger Wiltbank @ The Amateur Writer
What married woman doesn't want this scripture to be true in their own lives concerning their husbands?  How awesome it would be to have a husband that is sensitive to our very needs at all times. Well, HELLO, they aren't!  They are human and honestly, they only feel compelled  to tell us they love us as often as they feel necessary.   We on the other hand may need to tell them every single time we speak to them.  That is great but the tragedy that does not need to happen is that your husband has to think back to your wedding day to remember being told he is loved and the same goes for you sister concerning him.

The romance in marriage doesn't die.  It's always there, we just have to throw a few sticks on the fire to rekindle the flame.  What do I mean by sticks?  If you think about your husband in a fond way, don't hold it to yourself, tell him.  If you remember a time when you were both sharing a moment of love or passion, remind him.  Sometimes it can do a marriage good to go back to the courting phase, to woo each other.  This phase can be fun and exhausting but it is something all marriages need.  Gentle reminders keeps life from choking the romance out of your marriage.

My husband has a little note in his wallet that I tucked in a few weeks ago as part of a previous challenge.  He kept it there.  It was a simple "I Love You" but he loves it.  He loves to open his wallet and see that little reminder there and it gives us both the feeling of a time when we were very young and in love, passing notes in the hallway at school.  Our husbands still need constant reminders of our love.   Even God gave Moses instruction to help the Israelites remember his love for them, because he knew how easily they would forget or take it for granted.
And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.  And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and when you are away on a journey, when you are lying down and when you are getting up again.  Tie them to your hands as reminders, and wear them on your forehead.  Write them on the door posts of your house and on your gates.  Deut. 6: 5-9
God knows we need daily reminds of His love but we have to be willing to share His love and so we must do the same for our husbands.  We must remind them and share with them how much we truly love them.
Hands::  Make sure your husband knows he is on your mind.

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