Day 15: Silence is Golden

Head:  Once Upon a time...I called my husband to see if he wanted to eat lunch with me and the kids.  He said he didn't have time and that he was just to busy to take a lunch and was really short and annoyed that I called.  My immediate thought was, "Whatever!  He can take his lunch and eat with us today."  I got frustrated and hung up.  I mean, I was the one extending the olive branch right?  The one willing to bring the kids all the way to him and bring him a lunch (and secretly was half-way there on the interstate). Then I didn't answer when he called back because I didn't want to say anything ugly and he later sent me a text to explain why he couldn't go to lunch and that he wouldn't get a lunch at all.  I started to text him back and say, "You could have at least not acted annoyed with me.  It hurt my feelings, yadda yadda yadda."  My response was simply "ok" and then "What would you like for dinner?"  I figured if he wasn't eating lunch, he'd be starving when he got home.  He called back and was really sweet instead of put out and irritated and I also felt better about not telling him how I felt that very moment.

Then, the other night I heard someone at church talking about how one lady they know tells her husband every time he does something wrong or hurtful, whether he knows it or not, she tells him.  EVERY SINGLE TIME!  And that he ALWAYS apologizes.  I thought..."Wow!"  I wasn't sure how I felt about that, something about it didn't sit right with me.  I don't disagree that this would work for their marriage.  However, I had to wonder that just because she got rid of that little seed of hurt or bitterness does that mean it's gone?  How does she know she isn't planting resentment or ill thoughts directly into her husband?  So, which is correct?  That's what I want to know.  I mean, wouldn't it be nice to hear "I'm sorry" from our husbands?  I thought of this scripture...

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4,7 says "There is a time for everything, a time to weep and time to laugh...a time to be silent and a time to speak."

Heart: You can pray for the wisdom to realize when your presence will speak louder than words.  Your presences says, "I'm here for you.  I love you.  I am walking through this valley with you and I will not burden you at the moment with something more."  The next time you find that you want to spill your guts and tell your husband just exactly what you think of something that was said or not said, done or not done in relation to your efforts to make your marriage stronger, maybe it will be a good opportunity to hold those words.  This is different than the patience challenge because sometimes we think of sharing how we are feeling as a good thing and not a bad.  Sometimes it's better to leave some things unsaid.  The feelings will still be there but I have to remember that God is working and sometimes, not even telling him how I feel, no matter how innocent it seems, isn't always the best way to handle the situation.  The chance will come later to tell him how I feel and I'm sure God will give me the opportunity to do it calmly and with thought while my husbands heart, mind and ears are open to be receptive to what  is important.   Pray and study on what God will have you do.

Hands:  Be careful not to talk to your husband about things that you would like to see changed in your marriage.  Instead, make a short list of the things that you would like to see improve in your marriage.  A list can include anything you think needs to be changed or improved.  A list might include such things as; more communication, more time spent together, more time talking, less time fighting, less stress over money, sex that is more meaningful, more affection during a day, etc.  The list needs to be kept short because anything that is important enough to include on the list, is important enough to receive as much focus as you can give it.  These lists are your hearts desires.  So, talk to God about them and see how he begins to work on them for you.  I promise, that without even talking to your husband you will see God's works down the road.