2015, Starting Over
2014 got off to a great start....it did, but about half way through in July my world changed. I went from running off to the gym 5-6 days a week to nothing...nada...I quit!
July and August became the hardest months of my life for awhile as I was faced with the reality that my life was about to be different. When you lose a loved one there is a tear in your life. Like tearing a beautiful canvas that you've been painting from the time you were conceived. There is a tear, a hole, a place that needs repairing in this life. The repair work is delicate and takes time and will always be noticeable but it will be repaired. The fall, is dreary to me. The colors of fall are beautiful but fleeting and during this time every year I struggle with something in my soul. This year the struggle was harder than it had been in awhile.
How does that translate to my health?
It is everything! My mental state directly effects my performance in every way. I took myself to the gym for few weeks, I tried group fitness, I spent time on the dread mill and yet, I felt lost. I wanted to cry alot...not always for the pain of the repair from my loss but because I knew I had given up on me. Giving up on me, means I've given up on everyone.
Christmas was different...as far as celebrations go. However, this may have been my best "Christmas Spirit" year in awhile. I think because the new year was coming, my kids wanted for nothing, my family is healthy, my dad's surgery went well, and we are just blessed. What was really getting me excited was the new year. Not the New Year but the new year. I had planned on my birthday, January 7th, joining 85,000 other AdvoCarian's on a new 24 Day Challenge and starting a new workout DVD. That wasn't in God's plan..clearly.
Instead, on the 3rd I decided to try a medicine my doctor thought might help with my "hormones" and by Sunday I thought I had the flu; fever, chills, body ache....Monday morning I noticed pin pricks all over me and by Tuesday I found myself in Urgent care from a severe allergic reaction...thanks medicine. So, needless to say my birthday on Wednesday was spent with a sore bootie from a shot and loaded down with Benedryl because that rash got worse before it got better. I cried a little. Birthdays are supposed to be happy. I started my challenge because I knew the detox would make a huge difference, BUT not my workout, there was no way that working out was in the cards...again disappointed.
Saturday I pushed it and went to AdvoNation in the big ATL and enjoyed every second. I had so many people hug me and breathe life on my flame and light my fire again. Oh, how I needed that. I came home completely tired to a true birthday celebration. My sweet husband held nothing back in baking me (his first ever) birthday cake. I literally cried that night laying in bed recovering as he told me how he wrote "Happy Birthday" with candy pearls and a pair of tweezers. I LOVE that man! My kids sang, we ate a piece of cake and dinner and that's when I found myself in bed..exhausted, drained, weak.
Sunday, was like a new day. I slept in.
I visited a friend.
Then this morning came!
MIGRAINE before I even got out of bed. In my sleep, my brain was saying "this hurts". I managed to get the kids off to school. Maybe it is part of the recovering.
I went back to bed with meds and woke up to a galore of messages and missed calls.
I'm up! I'm up!
I had two messages that reminded me to get my tail on the road and get a run in.
That's right, a run! Not a workout video but, get your shoes on and who cares if it's cold run.
My body and mind needed a run.
I got dressed, drank a Spark and drove downtown to start my journey.
With worship music in my ears I started. I knew it had been a long time since 5k was in the books but I was going to do a big loop and see where it got me. 4k! I'll take it. So much went through my mind...
I am tired of starting over.
On the other side of consistency is freedom.
I'm thankful I have amazing products that help me perform better each time so I can reach goals faster.
Starting over is the hardest...that first step feels like it just won't happen.
I'm so grateful for support of friends.
I'm better today than I was 3 years ago.
I can do this!
So, all that to say that the biggest part of all of this is support! I love the idea of having a community of people to lift me up and inspire me. I have found that when others hold me accountable, I am less likely to fail. Just like my study with Proverbs this month. It's day 12 and I haven't missed a beat. I'm better for it!
Here is what I'm proposing! Visit me on InstaGram, look for 4myloveofblue. I'm going to post there daily about my workouts, weight loss, achievements, everything! If you follow me, shoot me a line that says something about seeing this blog post and I'll follow you! Let's encourage each other!