Embrace the Struggle...as real as it is.

Friday, July 25, 2014 Aimee Larsen 2 Comments

I don't even know what to really say but I know I've got to get out this feeling I'm having this morning.  It was not a restful night last night and my 5:00, 5:15 and 5:30 alarm went off, very quietly this morning.  I had my ringer turned down and they did not wake me.  When I did wake up 2 hours late I walked into the bathroom started getting ready, stepped on the scale, then got back in the bed.  WHY? do I do that too myself?

Image belongs to PBS
I sat here and looked up meal plans for women who are bodybuilding.  Yes, I want a lean body that has muscle.  Not like a crazy weird looking morph of a woman/bodybuilder.  Just lean and muscle, fit.  I get so



tried of people saying "If you aren't dropping pounds then it's your nutrition."  So, I've spent the last two years of my life with the best nutrition products...it's what fits in between that must be the problem.


I love having a plan, I feel lost without them.  My kids have a chore chart, I have a chore chart, I have a plan book, I even plan my laundry schedule.  I love a good plan and I have struggled and struggled to find a good plan that worked for me.  Carbs seem to be what puts on the pounds for me but without carbs my brain stops functioning.  It's ridiculous.  So there's a struggle there.  I do love lean meat and veggies. Don't get me wrong but I also love a good old fashion tomato sandwich on white bread with gobs of mayo too.  Eating that way is not what I believe in but I do love food!  All kinds of comfort, deep south, loaded with butter and bacon food.

I have planned out meals in the past but I feel like I'm not eating with the family.  I'm not dedicated to them enough.  I love the plan but then it becomes a mental struggle.  I feel diminished and worthless.  I feel like I am not only letting myself down but my people down.  In all honesty..I'm doing it all wrong.  
AND I KNOW IT!

I have my gallon of water in the fridge...it takes about 2-3 days to empty it.
                  I can't tell you when I had home grilled chicken in or fish last...tuna packets maybe.
           I do not drink a meal replacement shake before working out....I typically wait and eat lunch.
                              I do eat spinach and eggs often with tomato....is that bad?  with a side of English muffin?
     My dad keeps sending us squash casserole...it's so good....trust me I would know.
                       There's more dirty food in my house right now than clean food.
                                                                      Dates are an amazing fruit but I believe are killing my diet.
 BUT I LOVE THEM.
I'm eating to close to bed time which is late at night and SO that's why I'm not hungry in the morning.
I beat myself up and quit everyday.
                                     I love taco bell.
OH THE STRUGGLE! 

Okay, so I'm heading downstairs for my morning Spark, sups, and putting on my gym clothes.  I'm gonna go.
I'm going to make a plan. 
A person can not lose the weight I've lost and feel like a failure.
 It will be simple and rigid with very little bend.
 Who else could use a plan?
What worked before...eating clean all day and running.....lots and lots of running.
Let's get this train movin on down the track.
I messed up already today...gonna remedy that right now.
Gonna keep movin'.

UPDATE



So, I took my kids to the park and didn't worry about missing the gym...I did go yesterday.
I ate healthy and in moderation.
Tomorrow is a NEW day!


Romans 5:3-5  “ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

2 comments:

  1. You are not alone!! I felt like you were reading my mind and putting it into words! I'm kinda in a slump right now... At least you're working out. I haven't done that in weeks. But I ask myself "why do I feel so pressured, who am I doing this for, I love cake and cookies, why can't I have them and still be on track..." The struggles are real sooooo real!! But just be assured you've done an amazing job so far and you are human so don't feel bad about these bumps in the road!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement. Still facing the struggles but embracing them too.

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