Once Upon A Time...I tried to be a perfectionist.

Monday, February 15, 2010 Aimee Larsen 3 Comments

I'm not feeling very well tonight but I wanted to blog.  Please say a prayer for me though, this medicine the doctors have me on makes me SO sick, especially at night and I'm told I'll get used to it.  I hope so!  

Earlier today I was cleaning and realized that because of my "still slight obsession" with clean, I have literally scrubbed the paint off of my baseboards.  Now, since I've done that, they look dirty to me.  See, it wasn't until I went away to college and had my own place that the neat freak in me came out.  I remember taking pictures of my first apartment and then proudly putting those pictures in a scrapbook and admiring how tidy everything was kept.  Laundry?  What Laundry?  Dishes?  What Dishes?  Scum in the bathroom...OH THE HORROR!!  

It was the most blessed time of my life as far as clean is concerned.  Then I got roommates who as sweet as they were, were like living with men.  They'd drop their stuff as they came in the door, dirty dishes, eat all the groceries, use up the laundry detergent, pull the wallpaper off the wall, paint rooms BLACK!  Can you imagine?  Oh and before I forget to mention one of them constantly walked around in nothing but her undies and just the bottoms, not the tops AND would sit and drink tall glasses of milk...cause the milk did her body good.  GROSS!

I still tried to be a perfectionist in my penny loafers, khaki pants and button down shirts.  My handwriting was even perfect.  I could write in perfect print or cursive at any given time.  I obsessed over it.  I would come home for the weekends to see James and would spend a good deal of the weekend cleaning his apartment.  I should have known.
Then I graduated college, moved home into my own apartment and kept things tidy but was only months from being married so, my best foot was put forward.  Then we got married and my first summer off as a teacher was a lazy one.  James was still in school and worked and there I was at home, learning how to use the internet for all sorts of things like, e-mail and research.  Who knew I'd be spending it these days chatting online and blogging?  I wish I'd known.  I might have either invest money more wisely or avoided it all together.

FAST FORWARD!  To today!

I have a beautiful home, I'm still married to my high school sweet heart, I have 3 beautiful boys, I've gone back to college and somewhere between marriage and today, I have managed to throw perfection out the window.  At one point, I even realized that I wasn't even being the woman I was supposed to be.  I had this fantasy that I could stay home all day and still expect James to come home from work and help with my chores.  Sure, I have my bad days and need help but if he has a bad day at work, who helps him?  He helps himself.  I'm just there to lift him up and make it better if I can.

My role has changed and I'm still not a perfectionist.  I'm trying to be on a certain level but I'm just not back there.  There is something about cleanliness and order that I long for.  I want to enjoy my home and children to the fullest but I want to do so in a manner that will eventually lead to things being put back in their proper place, including the kids.  It's something I long for.  So, while I am not saying that I don't expect my husband to come home and pull some weight, I do.  I'm just saying my idea of my role is evolving.  

What I ideally want to be now, is the wife who can juggle all the balls, not drop them and still be the wife God intended me to be.  How is this possible?  Psalm 121:1-2 and 1 Corinthians 11:8-9  I will be the wife He intended me to be, because I was created for that purpose and I will seek Him for help.

Now, I'm not saying I'm buying any shiny penny loathers anytime soon or ever but I am going to start putting my best foot forward much more often. 

I'm SUPER far from being a perfectionist but at least I know I can be!  Just kidding!


  1. I struggle with that same thing. For me it seems like the days that I put Him first and "LET GO" of the control, then I am SO much better off. Thanks for your post :) Hugs, Ingrid (will be praying for you) ;)

  2. stopping in from SITS...and well, i guess i totally relate to this! grew up with an OCD mom and took the mad cleaning skills into adulthood. ended up with a messy hubs and 4 girlies that changed my "perfection". i still say things like "this place is a disaster" and "dump", but i enjoy my kids and hubs way more with a little bit of mess.

  3. I too have evolved you might say in the expectations I have on Matt. I used to be very needy, I had to have him here the second he could get here. I needed him to help me do dishes, laundry, etc. However, as he has climbed the ladder at work, and the amount of resposibility that he has on him not to mention stress has increased I have started doing more and more at home on my own, including taking over all financial things. The way I feel about it is, he is at work all day that is his job, well my job is keeping this house running (not perfect) but running smoothly. Clean clothes to wear food bought, meals cooked etc. That is my job. Now, there is sometimes if I really get behind I might ask him to help me in the evenings I try very hard not to do that though. B/c I feel like that is my part. I dont make money, so that is how I contribute. So, I agree I think that as we age we realize how silly some thoughts we had before were. Oh well you live and learn !!


Show the love. Major love!